Back To The River Demo

 

Back To The River Demo

Here's a demo of a possession album song that'll go live in a couple weeks. It piggybacks on the death theme of the "It Will Still Be There" song from July 15. It's that whole death-theme of the possibility that the afterlife is a process of merging with a bigger whole, like how a rain drop merges with a river when it falls in it. I'm still goin' for the sound of making the vocal sound like a bunch of people in a church singing so exuberantly that they sound drunk.

Back to the Shelter

 

Back to the Shelter Third Mix

The third mix is crappy, but you can listen to it if you want - the fourth mix is better, and it's the mix that's on the player at the bottom.

Back to the Shelter Fourth Mix

 

This is the song where the fire god talks to the girl/me-character about how he'll miss her when he goes back to the sun. He compares himself to a foster animal who has to go back to the animal shelter.

The lyrics are:

I have to go back to the shelter
Leaving you is not very fun
To a place so hot, that you'd swelter
I am going back to the sun

I am the fire god, and I'll miss you every day
When I go to the sun for my forever stay

I am like an animal foster
Leaving my temporary home
It makes me feel like I am not sure
If it's to the sun I should roam

I am the fire god, and I'll miss you every day
When I go to the sun for my forever stay

I will miss you, but the truth is that
Going back to the shelter like a cat
Is what I'm s'posed to do; it's meant to be
It is the blessed truth: That's where I'm free
But I want to stay here, but I know that I have to go
To the sun, but I fear that they are gonna all say no
When I say, “Are we good?” they might say I am a bad seed
With a judgy attitude, they will hate me for all my deeds

I am scared that my friends will judge me
When I get back up to the sun
I know they're not usually judgy
But I'm scared because of all that I've done

I am the fire god, and I'll miss you every day
When I go to the sun for my forever stay

Here's the alternative player thingy in case the other one doesn't work:

She's Like an Owl in the Exorcism Hotel

 

She's Like an Owl in the Exorcism Hotel

I saw my cat looking spooked, and the way she looked reminded me of an owl, cuz her eyes were all big. Then I drifted off to sleep and the hook o' this song came to me. Given the weird dream-like-ness of the lyrics, it took some doin' to figure out what the rest o' this song was about. It turned out to be about a person in a creepy-ass place, who sees bad things a-comin'. But nobody really pays attention to her, cuz they're all oblivious. It's sorta a Cassandra-themed song.

The lyrics are:

She's like an owl in the exorcism hotel

This place is stealing her thoughts away
She's got a feeling that she should not stay

She's like an owl in the exorcism hotel

She sees much better than the average bear
Those visions mess with her, sticking to her hair

She's the only one, who has good night vision
She is lonely when people do not listen
When she sez that things are fucked up around this place
And she wishes that she had not come through those gates
But no one else sees what she sees
And her own self feels like it bleeds
Every time they don't listen up
To her visions of what's coming up

Her eyes are open, wider than the moon
She knows what's coming, it will be here soon

She's like an owl in the exorcism hotel

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top isn't to your liking:

I Almost Died When I Saw You Thinner (Trigger Warning)

 

I Almost Died When I Saw You Thinner

This is another song I got from a dream - or, I mean, the very first part of it came from a dream. It's about seeing someone for the first time in a while, and them being a lot skinnier than they used to be. Like, did they get skinny because they're dieting? Or is it cuz they're dying? I put a trigger warning on this one, cuz it might trigger bad memories for people who've lost loved ones due to some terminal illness that made them lose weight.

The lyrics are:

I almost died when I saw you thinner
I almost died when I saw you thinner

I said, “Oh, balls”
It is not natural
I said, “Oh, balls”
It is not natural

And you have gotten very thin, I see
I don't know why you got so skinny

I said, “Oh, balls”
It is not natural
I said, “Oh, balls”
It is not natural

Maybe, you should go to a doctor
If you do, I think you should talk to her
About the skinniness you are having
Unless it is because you are fasting
You don't want to be this skinny, no
Not the the point where your ribs start to show
Our culture sez that skinniness is great
But it could be foretelling a bad fate

I hope this is not because you are dying
If that's the case I will soon be crying

I said, “Oh, balls”
This is not natural
I said, “Oh, balls”
This is not natural

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case you'd rather use it than the one up top:

I'll Miss You Quite A Lot

 

I'll Miss You Quite A Lot

 This is the next song in the possession album; after the me-character/girl finally comes to terms with Grandma's verdict that she has to stay, she talks to the fire god and tells him how much she'll miss him.

The lyrics are:

I am gonna miss you when you go up to your home
And I wish that I could call you on the telephone

We are different species, but we're cut from the same cloth
Being with you is easy, and I'll miss you quite a lot

I guess I'll get used to being with humanity
Grandma says it's part of this gigantic mystery

And it's something, currently, that I can't comprehend
When I'm drowning in the sea of this dumb life with men
I feel like we are two peas in a pod, but Grandmother said, “no”
She said I am something like oil and you are vinegar; Grandma said so
We are cut from the same cloth, but we are different species, but I
Will endeavor to go to the sun after I die, and that is no lie

Every day I'll wake up and I'll wish that you were here
Singing songs of sadness, and I'll cry into my beer

We are different species, but we're cut from the same cloth
Being with you is easy, and I'll miss you quite a lot

As a spirit, I will go up to the sun

Bong Hit Weed in the Heavenly Load

Bong Hit Weed in the Heavenly Load

 This song came from a dream; that's why the lyrics in the hooky part sound all weird. It's a song about how weed is divine, and how even though the powers-that-be think weed is a bad thing, the reality is: God made weed. Weed is heavenly. It's divine.

The lyrics are:

It's a bong hit weed in the heavenly load
heavenly load
heavenly load

It makes food taste better
Better than ever
Straight from Heaven's kitchen
It is finger lickin'

It's a bong hit weed in the heavenly load
heavenly load
heavenly load

We have found religion
We had a vision
Of things like Eden
That we plant weed in

God created weed
He planted the first seed

They said that weed so ungodly, but I do not really understand
How it could not have come from God? See, I do not think it's a man made plant
Weed makes me think of the Garden
Of Eden, and I am just starting
To have a good understanding
Of this plant that I am planting
It might be something that is holy
But not the roller type of holy
I do not understand it fully
But into the smoke I go boldly

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case you prefer it to the other one:

Grandma's Room, Part 2

 

Grandma's Room Part 2 With Different Ending

The top one of these has a different ending than the bottom one of these.

Grandma's Room Part 2 Mix 3

 

This is the next song in the possession album: The me-character is all sad, thinking about how things used to be before all this fucked up stuff happened. She thinks back to when she was a kid and how things were, spending time with her grandmother in her grandmother's room. 

this song reminds me of how, when something really fucked up happens in your life, it feels as if you now have 2 lives - the life you had before the fucked up thing and the life you have after the fucked up thing. It's like - well - it's, like, so hard to believe that this fucked up life is the same life as the life of that innocent child I used to be. 

The lyrics are:

Grandma's room, grandma's room
Grandma's room, grandma's room

I don't know why I'm missing
Who I used to be
I don't know why I'm missing
The person called me

Grandma's room, grandma's room
Grandma's room, grandma's room

I'm no longer who I used to be

Somehow back then, I was more free
As a kid in grandmother's room
That was way before I was doomed
And in my recent dream
My grandmother, she seemed
To recognize the change
In me me, and I am in danger

Grandma's room, grandma's room
Grandma's room, grandma's room

I wish I could go back in time

Back to where my thoughts were sublime
As a kid in grandmother's room
Before I had the dread and the doom
Of this time period
Where my thoughts fill with mud
I'm not who I used to be

God, please, save me, set my soul free

I don't know why I'm missing
Who I used to be
I don't know why I'm missing
The person called me

Grandma's room, grandma's room
Grandma's room, grandma's room

I don't know why I'm changing a long time ago
I don't know why I'm changing a long time ago

Something does not seem right; I lost my appetite
I don't know just how to live

My bad psychology will always follow me
I don't know just how to live

Grandma's room, grandma's room
Grandma's room, grandma's room

I don't know why I'm missing
Who I used to be
I don't know why I'm missing
The person called me

After I listened to the song a couple times, I realized I wanted to add a little something to the ending to interesting it up, so I included both versions of it.
Here's the one with the boring ending:

Here's the one with the more interesting ending.

It Will Still Be Here

It Will Still Be Here Mix 2

Here's a song about death. It raises the question, "Do our consciousnesses merge into some kind of collective when we die, the same way our bodies merge into the earth when we die?" 

I read a recent post on Facebook, where the author was talking about the law of conservation in physics, or whatever that's called - y'know, that one that says matter and energy can't be destroyed. Because of that, not only do our bodies stick around when we die (but turn into the earth again), but our minds must, as well, if the energy that comprises a mind can't be destroyed. The idea in the post was that maybe this energy just goes on to take a less orderly form.

I'm likin' the idea that, if there isn't an afterlife, per se - as in Heaven or the Bardo or the Spirit World, rather than turning into some mass of entropy, maybe our minds merge with a collective, just as a rain drop merges with the river it falls into.

The lyrics are:

After we die, and out bodies are still here

They turn into earth, but I'm unclear
What happens to our conscious perspective?
Do we just merge into the collective?
Or is it Heaven that's waiting?
Maybe in the end, it is the same thing
Melting into the river when we die
Might feel like how it … feels to be high

It will still be here, it will still be here, it will still be here

I melted into the water again
I turned back into the river again

It will still be here, it will still be here, it will still be here

And we will see everyone in the sea
Melting again into that great mystery

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top isn't your cup o' tea:

I Didn't Treat You That Well

I recorded two different versions of this song: The bottom one is the one I recorded on Sunday, and the top one is the one I recorded today, which feels like it holds together better. Then again, I'm not always the most objective judge of my own music, so maybe folks'll like the bottom version better. Bleh. Anyway, the bottom version is more angsty, and the top one is more - I don't know what you'd call it...Happy 80s rock? Bluegrassy delight? Something like that, maybe.

I Didn't Treat You That Well Version 2 Mix 3

I Didn't Treat You That Well

Anyway. I'm guessing lots of people could relate to this song; it's about feeling bad for having mistreated someone in the past. It's not about anyone in particular, but at the same time, I can think of a bunch of people I could sing this to, with a heartfelt and sincere apology. Sorry! 

The lyrics are:
I didn't treat you that well
I didn't treat you that well

bo go gee go gee go
bo guh dee guh steeh gah go

I was young and stupid........but that doesn't excuse it

I didn't treat you that well
I didn't treat you that well

bo go gee go gee go
bo guh dee guh steeh gah go

I wish I could apologize........But it would be weird cuz we've cut all our ties

I treated you so bad... and I don't have any excuses
And I think I made you sad, I'm stupid, and I cannot undo this
Is it good for my soul to confess this? It will not vacuum up all the messes
That I've created in this dumb life time. My transgressions leave a trail of grime

I didn't treat you that well
I didn't treat you that well

I wish that I could take it back

Here's the newer version of this song that I recorded today:

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top doesn't work when you try to play it on your portable electronic device:

Also on a completely unrelated note, I got two of my tunes on Spotify - they’re really old. I cain’t use the newer songs cuz they have samples in them, and I hear that’s illegal if you’re distributing your stuff all officially and all. But at some point, I’ll attempt to record some o’ my newer stuff and stick it on there in a way that’s all legally above board or whatever. But here’s the spotify link, in case you’re interested.

https://open.spotify.com/artist/5KBle5HjsWIcMwU0Kf1eXB?si=3jtnS8Y7S3eflPyEoxk4Gg&dl_branch=1

But, Then, Grandma Said No

 

But Then Grandma Said No

This is the next song in the possession album - the me-character keeps on wanting to go up to the sun, but then keeps on re-realizing Grandma said it was a bad idea. She's bummed. 

The lyrics are:

A long long trip - wild again
Wild again
Wild again

But then grandma said no
But then grandma said no

I'm going to the sun again
Sun again
Sun again

I'm going to have fun again
In the sun again
In the sun again

But then Grandma said no
But then grandma said no

She is a heavy, and I'm made of helium
Why won't she let me fly up to see the sun?
She is a heavy – does she weigh a million tons?
It is not every day, I can go have some fun
I want to go up to the sun tonight
But she sez, “no,” you won't survive the flight
And in my heart, I know she is correct
I have to part with the fire god – oh, heck

(In the second repetition of the rap, the "and" in the first line is a "but," and the "sez" in the 6th line is a "said.")

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top doesn't work on your portable electronic device:

That's Bullshit

 

That's Bullshit

 Okay, yeah, I decided the song I did last night doesn't suck, or at least it doesn't suck as much as I thought it did when I initially recorded it.

In short, this song is about how human life these days is a bunch of bullshit. I worried that it was too general (like, a song about how life sucks - that's kind of general), but, in the end, I decided that I needed to say it, anyway.

I wonder what it was like to live in the time period when my ancestors were indigenous...John Trudell said it: If we trace our lineage back far enough we were all indigenous at some point.

As a species, well, I feel like we're all fucked...not only because of the whole earth going to hell because of all the ecological destruction and all, but also, we're fucked on individual levels.

Our species wasn't meant to worry every single second of every single day about payin' taxes and not losing our jobs, and paying rent, and all that shit. We've all got this collective anxiety disorder that's wearin' us down until we all do nothing but stay glued to our phones all day long, to escape from reality.

And, why do we want to escape from reality? Because we're scared all the time. If we fuck up, the powers that be will send us to jail, or we'll end up homeless, or something. That's not how we're supposed to live as a species. And all these dumb rules that we have to live by are totally arbitrary - being enforced by the powers-that-be, who don't have our best interests at heart. They only have their best interests at heart.

And, I wonder, I'll always wonder...what was it like for my once-indigenous-ancestors? I'm guessing it must've been hard in lots of respects, but a damn sight better than being worried all the time and having to be medicated with weed, or antidepressants, or anxiolytics, cuz we all have anxiety and depression in spades (or, at least, most of us do). We're all mental-disordered because we're a thousand miles from where we're supposed to be. 

Well, anyway, I'm ranting. I dunno what the solution is, but something has to be better than this horrid mess we find ourselves in at many levels. There has to be a better way. I mean, I know we can't go back to how our ancestors had it back in the day, back when we lived the way our species is naturally supposed to live. I know we can't do that. But there has to be something better. There has to be.

The lyrics are:

This is unnatural

Life is unnatural

And it's bullshit
It's bullshit

It's chapping my ass, this regimented lifestyle
Shoved into a classroom, then we work until we die

That's bullshit
That's bullshit

We're stuck in a box, Of stupid rules that suck
We are all just cogs, And the gods of conformity say we're fucked

This is unnatural
Life is unnatural

Life as we know it is nothing but bullshit
Laboring under arbitrary rules, it
Is where the corporate money powers want us
We're bleeding out, until we turn into rust
Scared every minute of every single day,
Of the powers that be, who steal our life away
This is not how us humans are supposed to live
With our souls leaking out, like sand through a sieve

That's bullshit
That's bullshit

That's bullshit. That's bullshit. That's bullshit. That's bullshit

This is unnatural
Life is unnatural

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top doesn't work when you try to play it on your portable electronic device, laptop, or desktop computer:

The Song I Recorded Tonight Sucks, So Here's Another Song About The Song That Sucks

 

The Song I Recorded Tonight Sucks

 I recorded a song tonight, but I think it really sucks. So I recorded another song about how that song sucks. I'm going to listen to the first song later after I smoke a bowl and see if it still sounds suck-worthy. If it doesn't sound suck-worthy, I'll post it in a day or two. If it does sound suck-worthy, I'll keep that tune to myself. 

War Zone (Trigger Warning)

War Zone

I wanted to get this fucker online before midnight because it's still the poopy Fourth of July. I took advantage of all the fireworks out there, makin' it sound like a war zone, and pasted them into this little ditty. I'll add a picture and the other player thingy tomorrow. I'm pooped.

Okay, it's the next day, and I'm finishing up this here entry. Once thing I wanted to say was, if you have any kind of PTSD or other trauma where loud noises are a trigger, then be prepared if you want to listen to this song. Like I said, above, there're fireworks sounds in this here song - they're at the very beginning and then they start up again at 2:12. When I listened to it last night in headphones, while the fireworks were still goin' on outside, I kept thinking the ones on the recording were real, and I got a bit startled. 

Anyway, in this song, the narrator is listening to all the fireworks noise and getting grumpy, but then gets all paranoid and wonders if some of those noises are real bombs. Like, is this country at war? Oh, my.

The lyrics are:

It's a war zone; I am hiding

It's a war zone; under the bed
It's a war zone; hope they don't find me
It's a war zone; I might soon be dead

I'm listening to bombs go off
Explosions ring; and I hope they stop

It's a war zone; people are dumb
It's a war zone; Setting off bombs
It's a war zone; It makes me grumpy
It's a war zone; I do not feel calm

I'm listening to bombs go off
Explosions ring; and I hope they stop

What are these stupid sounds around me?
Those are illegal in this county
Burning down the entire state
Starting fires, and I'm quite irate
Or I wonder if it really is war
This thunder might be what is in store
For the long haul, in this country of mine
Will the bombs fall? With explosions that shine?

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case you prefer it to the one up top:

When Grandma Told Us

 

When Grandma Told Us With Re-Did Rap

When Grandma Told Us Mix 2

When Grandma Told Us

This is the next song in the possession album; Timmy, Bobby, and Father O'Malley come to a place of acceptance of Grandma's input that they have to stay humans. But the me-character is a wee bit disappointed, and the 2 dudes wanna help her be less disappointed. The singing part is the dudes, and the rapping part is the me-character. 

Okay, yeah, there're 3 versions of this song - the top one is the one, where I did the rap over again and the bottom two are the ones with the old version of the rap, but two different mixes of it.  

I'm not sure which mix I like better of the 3, so I'm including them all. The betterness of them might depend on what device you're using to listen to 'em. 

The lyrics are:

When grandma told us we have to stay humans
We felt a touch of disappointment there
But you know this is the thing you should do when
You see your grandmother standing with bears

But the girl looks like she is disappointed
And we must help her to come to terms with it
And we must tell her but not sound too pointed
That someday, we'll go to where Heaven sits

And were we spaced out when we thought that we should
Go to the land of the fire gods up there?
But grandma laid out the reasons that it's good
To be a man with some help from the bears

But the girl looks like she is disappointed
And we must help her to come to terms with it
And we must tell her but not sound too pointed
That someday, we'll go to where Heaven sits

On the wings of a snowy white dove
My grandmother sent her dear sweet love
And I know I should not go above
To the fire god's home, but I feel a bit of...
Desperation, but I also know
That I should see the rest of the show
In the nation of my stupid race
Then I'll get to go to Heaven's place

When grandmother told us what we should do here
We felt real sad, but we'll take her word for it
Grandmother's words suddenly made our minds clear
It's not so bad to be man; it's not the pits

But the girl looks like she is disappointed
And we must help her to come to terms with it
And we must tell her but not sound too pointed
That someday, we'll go to where Heaven sits

Here's the alternative player-thingy, in case the one up top doesn't work on your portable electronic device, laptop, or desktop computer:

Here's another alternative player thingy with the other mix on it:

Okay, here's the version of this song where I re-did the rap. Yesiree:

Mountains In Your Eyes

Mountains in Your Eyes

 This is a song where I'm trying to emulate a bunch of sad people, singing in a church. It's a raucous din of people singing so devotedly that they almost sound drunk. Well, I mean...I mean, that's the sound I was going for. I'm not sure if I achieved it, but, yeah, that's the sound I was going for.

The lyrics are:

As we climb into the night
Through the mist with a tiny light

We reached for the mountains, mountains in your eyes

And we hope that our light will not die
As we call your name up to the sky

We reached for the mountains, mountains in your eyes

We're a bunch of sad people in a church
Singing out loud in a heavenly search
Looking for the mountains in your eyes
Filling up with tears in a sea green sky
Getting drunk on the holy water
Swimming in the good feelings it fostered
With just one set of footprints, we'll walk
Up to Heaven in our good dress socks

And the wind might blow this flame out
What on Earth is our story about?

We reached for the mountains, mountains in your eyes

Here's the alternative player thingy, in case the one up top isn't to your liking: