I Don't Know, I Can't See, I Can't Figure Out What's Wrong With Me

IDONTKNO
In this song, while the angels are fixin' to intervene on behalf of the girl, she starts to question her own mental stability. (See below if you're unfamiliar with this project). See, the teachers have been so brainwashy-abusive toward the students for so long, that the mental health of the students has been negatively impacted. But, on top of that, abusers often tell their victims that they're mentally unstable in order to control them.  So, in this case, it's a double whammy: The girl is questioning her mental health because she's been brainwashed into thinking she's mentally unstable, and the environment has made her mentally unstable for reals.

It's like a mirror in a mirror making an infinite regress of mirrors. A person has been made mentally unstable by being told she's mentally unstable, and because she buys into the messages coming from the people who say she's mentally unstable, it makes her even more mentally unstable than she would be if she wasn't getting told she was mentally unstable.

Weird i dont know

This is last week's song, if you turn it around backwards.

The lyrics are:

I don’t know, I can’t see, I can’t figure out what's wrong with me

I don't know, I can't see, I can't figure what is wrong with me.

It makes me get all sad and cry, and I don’t have a clue

And then I think that I should die, and there’s nothing else to do

I don’t know, I can’t see, I can’t figure what is wrong with me

…That is the true truth of it, my mind is feeling wrong

In the day that nightmares lit, the teachers lies are strong

I cannot tell if that’s my brain or if the teachers have made me get dumb

I think that maybe I’ve been trained and if they call me there I always will come

I’m as bendy as a palm tree in a bad blizzard in the middle of the night

And I wonder how this can be and if the angels can make it alright

I am all stupid and I cannot find a trace

Of the thing I used to be and it’s a fact I cannot face

And then I wonder what’s the thing I have become

I think my learning’s turning backwards and it’s making me get dumb

I don’t know, I can’t see, I can’t figure what is wrong with me

Oh yeah, I had a brain-fart...when I wrote the weird poetry/spoken-word/rap-for-beginners-section, I said "bendy as a palm tree in a bad blizzard." When I came up with that lyric, I was envisioning a hurricane. It wasn't till after the song got all recorded, I was all, "doh! I used the wrong storm-word!"

One day, I started writing a song about a fucked up school. Then, a few days later, that lawsuit came out, involving those pervy professors in the Dartmouth Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. I was all, oh, my stars!!! That’s where I got my Ph.D.! Then I finished writing the song about a week later. I thought it was just a song about how the school system fucks up kids, but after I finished writing and recording it, I realized parts of it were about my experiences in that poopy psych department (the unconscious mind works in mysterious ways). In any event, I decided to write an album about a fucked up school in order to process my experiences of having been in that department and how the culture there impacted me. This album ain’t necessarily about Dartmouth, per se. It’s more of a weird, inner exploration where I’m, like, having a fucked up dialogue with my unconscious about my experiences at Dartmouth. Jung used to call that kind of stuff “active imagination.” So far, this album follows the story of a girl, whose guardian angels try to protect her, but often can't find her. The angels at some point decide that they have to protect the girl from those nasty teachers and start to plot against them. But then they realize they don’t want to actually harm the teachers, so they, instead, make the teachers’ brains into nature brains ™, which are basically brains that hear communications coming from nature spirits. The angels do this because they think it’ll give those teachers more empathy, and will, in turn, be nice to the students.