Forget How Many Plays You Get

 

Forget How Many Plays You Get

 Okay, yeah. I mean, yes. My music this year had been sucking balls. 2021 and the first part of 2022 were my Golden Ages of Music. I dunno if I'll ever get mojo like that back again. But I realized about a month ago that, not only did my more recent music have no mojo in it, but it also had no soul in it, either. It had no heart. I wasn't "singing it the way I feel it," the way Robert Duvall said in Tender Mercies. So, with the intention to sing it the way I feel it, my last couple songs ended up having more me in them. They ended up having more soul in them.

On top of the badness of recent months, I've gotten all weird about how many plays my songs get. I used to get a lot more, cuz the songs were better, back in the day. Going through a writer's block is bad enough, but worrying about how many plays your music gets kills creativity. It just cuts it short, when you start to think about whether people'll like this or that tune or whatever.

So, that's what this song's about; it's about how I was gettin' hung up on how many plays my sucky songs would get, which made them even more sucky than they'd've been if I hadn't been worrying about how many plays they'd get.

It's Getting Sucky Right Now

It's Getting Sucky Right Now

 This is the next song in the Fucked Up Relationship Album. Actually, it's the 2nd song in the Fucked Up Relationship Album, Part 2. Part 1 is all nice and loaded onto Spotify, in case you're interested. (Just look up the name Rebecca Pittenger), and it'll be there, under my name.

Anywayyyyyy, this song is about how the main character broke up with the boyfriend from Hell, and, intellectually, she feels like she should be happy because he was such a jerk; but, she's really depressed. 

The lyrics are:

It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now

Why don't I feel grand, when I got rid of this man?
Of whom I'm not a fan? It's him I cannot stand

It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now

He was not the best; he was just a big pest
The meanest in the West, but I am now depressed

It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now
It's getting sucky right now

He was kind of mean, and I feel stupid
So I should be happy now
He was kind of mean, and I feel stupid
But I am depressed, somehow
He was kind of mean, and I feel stupid
And I wonder if I miss
He was kind of mean, and I feel stupid
The man that I used to kiss

Oh, my gosh, what is happening to me?
Oh, my gosh, what is happening to me?

I am just a single boat

I am just a single boat

It's getting sucky right now
Oh, my gosh, what is happening to me?

Jesus Said, "Where Did the Trees Go?"

 

Jesus Said Where Did the Trees Go

 This is a song about me and Jesus being sad about all the trees getting cut down, ecological destruction, and general fucked-up-ness of the world. 

They lyrics are:

Jesus said, "where did the trees go?"
I said that I do not know
I think that they got cut down
Burning my soul to the ground

I'm stupid and I'm singing
And I want to leave this dream
I'm stupid and I'm singing
Can you let me leave this scene?

Jesus said what do you mean?
I said this world's gotten mean
And it makes me feel so dumb
When I'm caught under its thumb

I'm stupid and I'm singing
And I want to leave this dream
Yes, I'm stupid and I'm singing
Can you let me leave this scene?

I cannot believe I belong to this species that is so determined to kill all of the trees
Killing the land: That is what man is determined to do with his own hand
And we think we're grand, but we are damned, if we cannot bring healing to this land
And I feel dumb, under the thumb of this society that is so crummy

Soon, there will be no more land
That God made with His own hand
And when all the trees are gone
I'll cry with the fading dawn

I'm stupid, and I'm crying
And I want to save the trees
Yes, I'm stupid, and they're dying
And my tears fill up the seas

Jesus said where did the trees go?
I said that I do not know
I think that they've been cut down
Burning my soul to the ground 

Just One Boat on the River

 

Just One Boat on the River

This is the first song of The Fucked Up Relationship Album: Part 2. I actually wrote this little ditty back in 1999, when I broke up with the mean boyfriend in real life. Well, actually, I wrote the hook part of the song back then, and I wrote the rapping just now. 

The lyrics are:

Just one boat on the river
Just one boat on the river
Would you like to see me fly? Would you like to see me sent?
Amen, Amen.

I left him and I think it was a good thing

But I'm on a ship that might be sinking

I'm alone and I am not that happy

I'll get stoned cuz I am feeling crappy

Do I miss him? I do not know

My feelings are grim - sadness grows

I thought he was my forever man

I bought into him saying that he's grand

Just one boat on the river
Just one boat on the river
Would you like to see me fly? Would you like to see me sent?
Amen, Amen.

He was bad for me, and I feel stupid

In reality, I got hit by Cupid's

Arrows, but I had to get out of there

I now I need the man that I love to care

About me, but I don't think that he did

Really, he treated me like a kid

That was misbehaving and

I cannot forgive this man

Just one boat on the river
Just one boat on the river
Would you like to see me fly? Would you like to see me sent?
Amen, Amen.

I am just a single boat

On a river with some ghosts

I cannot tell if I miss

The man that I used to kiss

He was kind of mean, and I feel stupid

It was a bad scene, and he was a poophead

He's a piece of shit, you know

Now I'm by myself on a river that flows

Just one boat on the river
Just one boat on the river
Would you like to see me fly? Would you like to see me sent?
Amen, Amen.

I'm Falling Down the Long, Dark Hole

 

I'm Falling Down the Long Dark Home

 This is a song of despair, depression, and grief. Or something along those lines. Sorry about typo in the MP3 file up there - it shouldn't be "long, dark home." It should be "long, dark hole." I still have Covid-Voice, but I managed to squeak my way through this. Yessiree. 

The lyrics are:

I'm falling down the long, dark hole
I'm falling down the long, dark hole
I'm falling down the long, dark hole
Tonight

I'm falling down the dark, dark hole
I'm falling down the dark, dark hole
I'm falling down the dark, dark hole
Tonight

Down and down

Down and down I'm going and it is not slowing
It is getting faster
Do I need a pastor?

I'm falling down the dark, dark hole tonight

I am falling down it

It is getting dark and hopeless and gray
And it feels like there will never be a sunny day

Don't jump off the roof, don't jump off the roof

There's no more moon - it's covered by clouds
And it weaves, in the gloom, a fancy funeral shroud

Don't jump off the roof, don't jump off the roof

I'm falling down the long, dark hole
I'm falling down the long, dark hole
I'm falling down the long, dark hole
Tonight

Down and down I'm falling
And I start a-calling
I need a friend, clearly
Can anyone hear me?

I'm falling down the long, dark hole tonight

Darkness, it weaves a pall over my head
And I now can conceive this fall might make me dead

Don't jump off the roof, don't jump off the roof

I brace for impact as I go on down
And will I be intact when I hit the ground?

Don't jump off the roof, don't jump off the roof

It almost feels like sleep
And I am sinking deep
Into the underground
And I'm not Heaven-bound
If Jesus was here,
He'd take away my fear
But, now, it's getting clear
That Heaven is not near

And

I'm falling down the long dark hole
I'm falling down the long dark hole
I'm falling down the long dark hole
Tonight

(I'm falling down, I'm falling down, I'm falling down, I'm falling down)

I feel like I'm burning
And I am just learning
It is getting faster
And I need a pastor

I'm falling down the long, dark hole tonight 

Goodbye

 

Goodbye

 This is the next song in the fucked up relationship album...it's the song where the main character finally breaks up with the mean boyfriend. But, wait, there's more after this!

The lyrics are:

I'm sayin' goodbye and I don't know why we even got together - my, oh my

Now I gotta say to you
It's not a good day; I'm blue
I'm breaking up with you, dude
It's giving us this blue mood

Goodbye, goodbye

There is no point to trying now
We have to say goodbye now

Goodbye, goodbye

I wish you well, but we can't
Be together, you see, man

I'm sayin' goodbye and I don't know why we even got together - my, oh my

Auf Wiederschauen and goodbye
At least we can say we tried
Fair thee well, meanest of men
I'll never see you again

Goodbye, goodbye

I Don't Dream in Color Anymore

I Don't Dream in Color Anymore Mix 3

 

This is a song about how, ever since I caught Covid, I haven't dreamed in color. All my dreams are dark brown, the color of what I see behind my closed eyelids, as if I'm dreaming about having my eyes closed. I guess I actually see stuff, but it's all the same soupy mess of dark-brown-ness. I wonder if my dreams'll ever get normal again. Anyway, that's what this song's about. I think the thing this song's about could also be a metaphor for depression and stuff. A depressed person walks through life as if in a colorless dream.

This song also sounds (at least to me) a lot like this fun little concept I came up with a while back. What would it be like to make an album that sounds like what Linkin Park would sound like if they did a country album? Y'know how Linkin Park experimented with lots of different stuff? Like, here's a metal + rap album...here's another album that sounds different from that...here's a pop album (their last album). I always wondered if - if Chester lived - if Linkin Park woulda ever experimented with doing a country album. Maybe this song sounds like what that would sound like. Well, maybe if I was actually talented, it would sound like that, but this is my best attempt so far.

Oh yeah, the scratchy nature of the vocals has to do with the fact that I still have Covid.

The lyrics are:

I don't dream in color anymore

My dreams don't have no rainbows in store

My dreams are dark and brown

Giving me some big frowns

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color

I don't dream in color

I don't dream in color anymore

Ever since I got the Covid bug

My dreams feel like a bad trip on drugs

My dreams are filled with gloom

And they are dark as a tomb

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color anymore

My dreams are stupid now

And I do not know just how

My dreams will get regular again

I caught the stupid Covid bug, and I'll say

My dreams have gotten stupid and they're dark grey

I wish I could dream in color - that would be

Nice - cuz would be like some normality / sugar and spice

Covid took the colors away from

My dreams, and now they're looking way dumb

They feel like I am on a bad trip

Down and down, am I on a sinking ship?

I don't dream in color anymore

I don't dream in color anymore

My dreams are stupid now

And I do not know just how

My dreams will get regular again

4 AM

 

4 AM - Mix 2

 This is the next song in the fucked up relationship album. It's about a breakup call that goes till 4am cuz the dude is debating with the gal about the merits of breaking up (she sez, let's break up, and he sez, no, let's not).

The lyrics are:

We were up till 4 AM debating if this even can
Work out according to plan - I said I am sorry man
You said let's give it a try, and you will not say goodbye
I said there is no way how this could work - let's break up now

We were up till 4 AM debating and I say
This will not work out no matter what you have to say
You forcefully argued we should stay together and
I say it's a bad idea - we must break up, man

I've started to realize, now that I've opened these eyes
Of mine I see it is true; it's a bad idea to
Be with you man - you're super bad for me
The weather man says it will get stormy
If I stay with you - this feels like a wake up
Call and I feel like shit, but we must break up
I'll probably be sad, but I know it is stupid to try
To make this work, and I cry, "This relationship has to die!"

We were up till 4 AM debating and I say
This will not work out no matter what you have to say