I Am Stupid

I am stupid mix 15

This is the next song in the continuing series of songs about a fucked up school. This one's about how the teachers make the students feel stupid.  (See below if you're unfamiliar with this project).

I was looking at all the blog entries in this series the other day and realized, whoops, it started out with the main character being a grown up woman, and then a little ways in, she regressed and turned into a little girl.  I was all, "ooooops," when I noticed that.

I made her grown up again in this song - see, the picture above is her as a grown up woman (yeah, I suck at drawing women); and the dude is her friend, that boy in the baseball cap in previous entries, but all growed up.

Yeah, that was weird that I made the character regress in this here blog. But, as I've been sayin' all along, the unconscious mind - which is where I'm gettin' lots of this material from - exists in all time periods, not just one. That's why a lot of these songs have stuff in them from both my grad-school days, and my little kid days. Cuz that old unconscious mind of mine is accessing all different time periods. Dood.

Weird i am stupid mix 2

Here's last week's song if you turn it around backwards.

And here are the lyrics:

I’m as insignificant as a speck of dust on a mosquito’s butt

There she is again, we found her again

Her brain got twisted and got torqued

And now she thinks she is a dork

Who never does her work that well

And now she thinks she’s goin’ to Hell

We are the angels who are tryin’ to tell her that she’s fine

But she don’t hear us cuz the teachers got into her mind

She used to be able to communicate with us

But she lost that connection when she got on that bus

The only thing she knows now is stupidness and dread

And it makes her never want to get out of bed

We work hard, don’tcha know, but the teachers said we don’t

I am stupid

And we’re going to hell cuz we did not hear the bell

We were late to class and the teacher said…

We are stupid

One day, I started writing a song about a fucked up school. Then, a few days later, that lawsuit came out, involving those pervy professors in the Dartmouth Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. I was all, oh, my stars!!! That's where I got my Ph.D.! Then I finished writing the song about a week later. I thought it was just a song about how the school system fucks up kids, but after I finished writing and recording it, I realized parts of it were about my experiences in that poopy psych department (the unconscious mind works in mysterious ways). In any event, I decided to write an album about a fucked up school in order to process my experiences of having been in that department and how the culture there impacted me. This album ain't necessarily about Dartmouth, per se. It's more of a weird, inner exploration where I'm, like, having a fucked up dialogue with my unconscious about my experiences at Dartmouth. Jung used to call that kind of stuff "active imagination." 

Backwards Song About Stupidness

BCKSTUPD

This is the backwards version of next week's song, which'll be the next song in the continuing series of songs about a fucked up school.  The colors of the water in the picture are the colors I imagine the first part of the song as sounding like.  The colors of the sailboat and the sky are the colors I imagine the second part of the song as sounding like.

Why Did I Die Today?

DIETODAY
Here's the next song in the series of songs about a fucked up school. (If you're new to this blog or don't know what I'm talking about, scroll to the bottom of this post for further explanation).

Yeah, so this song ain't about a literal death, but a figurative one. Like, it's a song about a day that changes one's life for the worse - and as such, it can feel like a death. In the narrative, the main character's guardian angels lose track of her because her mind got all distorted by the fucked up school on that day of poopy badness. It got fucked up and distorted by the fucked up school and all the dumb, boring lessons that turned her mind into mush. When one's mind turns to mush, it's hard to communicate with angels, probably because it's hard for a mushy, corrupted mind to pick up angels' signals. And it's hard for angels to pick up signals coming from such a mind because a mushy distorted mind ain't good at sending out telepathic signals.

In listening to the song, I think - autobiographically speaking - it's about my first day of kindergarten. That was a really stupid day, a day in which everything changed. Everything all turned into stupidness (it doesn't help when you have a kindergarten teacher who is evil and hates kids).

It's also about 2 days I can pinpoint in my experiences in the Dartmouth Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. I ain't gonna say exactly which days they were cuz I'm not ready to be all open about that. I think I still need time to process those poopy events. But - FYI - it's nuthin' like what happened to the people in the lawsuit, described below. Yeah, I'm still puzzling out what all contributed to those 2 days of metaphorical death. It can be tricky to partial out what all accounts for bad events in your life. It's easy to say, "I didn't play any role in this," but in reality, more often than not, one contributes at least in part, to poopy events in one's life.

Oh yeah, the picture is the girl, who's the main character, and her friend waiting for the School Bus of Death. The girl has a unicorn on her lunch box.

Weird why did i die today
Here's last week's song if you play it backwards.

Here are the lyrics - the ones in blue are from the angels' points of view, the ones in red are from the main-character-girl's point of view, and the ones in white are the disembodied narrator (or maybe that's me, come to think of it):

She’s having a nice day / so now we can relax

She’s having a nice day / but we will not turn our backs

She’s having a nice day / oh, wait, where did she go?

She’s having a nice day / Oh, fuck, we do not know

And the teachers told us / that the world is flat

And our minds got boring / the longer that we sat

Just this day, why did I die today?

And the teachers told us / lather, rinse, repeat

Learn this stupid lesson / and you will get a treat

Just this day, why did I die today?

Oh fuck what did the teachers do to her brain? / Took a wild animal and they made her tame

Listening to lessons in the middle of the day / She would have been better off if they’d let her play

When her mind got boring / she thought that she had died

A little bit of stupidness / is what she felt inside

The angels could not find her / because she lost her mind

To stupid, boring teachers / that made the angels blind

Just this day, why did I die today?

One day, I started writing a song about a fucked up school. Then, a few days later, that lawsuit came out, involving those pervy professors in the Dartmouth Department of Psychological and Brain Sciences. I was all, oh, my stars!!! That's where I got my Ph.D.! Then I finished writing the song about a week later. I thought it was just a song about how the school system fucks up kids, but after I finished writing and recording it, I realized parts of it were about my experiences in that poopy psych department (the unconscious mind works in mysterious ways). In any event, I decided to write an album about a fucked up school in order to process my experiences of having been in that department and how the culture there impacted me. This album ain't necessarily about Dartmouth, per se. It's more of a weird, inner exploration where I'm, like, having a fucked up dialogue with my unconscious about my experiences at Dartmouth. Jung used to call that kind of stuff "active imagination." 

Backwards Song With "Fuck" In It

BACKWDIE

 Here's the backwards version of next week's song. The rapping part has the word, "fuck" in it several times.